'nother rant

It's 1:49 am and I am laying in a hotel bed in Seaside, Oregon. Can't sleep because my mom is snoring too loud...

I bought a DSLR camera for this trip because I really wanted to document it, it is the last family trip before I submit my papers and leave on my mission in the fall.

I'm scared,

so scared.

Oh boy,
satan has worked on me several times and I have been tested on if I really want to go or not.

I know my answer is yes GO,
But I could stay and have a relationship with someone and start our life together.

As a sister in the church, there is really no right answer. You are supposed to get married and start your family. It is the standard to get married youngish and go to college together so that you and grow and experience so many wonderful things together. You will do most of your learning during those years.

Missions are also well supported.

I have always wanted to break the typical Mormon girl statistic and not get married at the age of 19. That's when the thought of a mission popped into my noggin.

What if I'm in love? What if I found someone that marriage sounds so right with? What if I'm going on a mission and I don't want to leave this person?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I HATE THIS

I wanted a clear answer so badly, it never came. I got the answer that both were ok.
God was waiting for me to make my decision and he trusted me to make the decision that is right for me.

We trust Him, He trusts us in return.

I could totally stay, get married to the man of my dreams and start my career + family and that would be ok! It would work out fine, I think it would be kinda ludicrous but it would work out.

If you are in my position (boyf or mish?),

I'm sorry.

It's hard as cement.

& sucks like a vacuum.

Do what is best for YOU, not you as a couple. The boy will still be here if he thinks you're neat enough. The right boy will wait...

I pinky promise.

I know that my serving will strengthen me, my family and future family.

Now I need to trust that whatever happens with the relationship is what God intended and that it will all work out the way He has it mapped out for us.

TRUST

My papers are almost done.

(Smiley face)

I can sleep now that it is off of my chest.

Sweetest dreams.